same ol cycle!

I'm so sorry Princess!! I wish I could take it all away from you!!! You've done a good job voicing how you feel!!! I think I feel your strength in this post!!!! What can I do to help????

Love you, Suzee

Persistent thoughts like this are difficult to deal with. Even keeps you up at night--wakes you early in the morning. I have found a way by keeping myself busy with hiking and yoga has helped. It might be hard to accept these ideas and stay rutted in your current behavior however, something has to change--right? Be kind to yourself, what things do your really enjoy? and seek those things out and make them a part of your daily schedule. Same time each day. Also if you can - seek counseling if you are not already in it. twice a week has and still is helping me after 1 1/2 years. I still may hurt myself, but I know it is much less often and it is not on my mind like it was. It is not a persistent thought. But it is so much work on my part to open up and speak about myself and the past -- for me it is part of the healing.

Thank you Suzee! Your words mean a lot to me! How you can help is talk to me about anything! It helps so much just to have someone to talk to for a little bit! Or encourage me! Encouragement always helps too!

loves and hugs!

***** Warning, I got permission to swear on Princess' thread so cover your ears!!*******

FUCK YOU ABUSER!!! FUCK SOCIETIES CHOICE TO TURN AWAY AND BLAME THE VICTIMS FOR THE ABUSES!!! FUCK THE MAN WHO LAUGHS THIS DAY IN PUBLIC MAKING FUN OF ME CRAWLING AND BEGGING HIM TO HELP ME UP! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR ALCOHOL, FUCK YOUR NASTY PARENTS WHO SUPPORT ABUSE OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!! FUCKING STAY OUT OF MY DREAMS! GO TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!!!

I am sorry to have to swear tonight too. And I know it's not on the topic of self injury.... but wait, maybe it is. I may have a different way I self injure when these things stand firm in my thoughts adn won't go away. I damage myself by eating thigns that aren't good for me or I force my body to do things that damage me permanently. Do NOT feel sorry for me as I am way old enough to know better than to let it get to me.... but it stil hurts so DAMN bad!!! I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I want to stop hurting myself and today has been hard.

Mostly I want to say FUCK YOU ASSHOLE JERK!!!! I WILL NOT LET YOU HURT ME ANYMORE!!!

Whew!! That felt good!!!

Princess, I am right here for you just as you've been there for me many, many times. You are such an amazing young woman and I'm proud of your courage to speak the words that you need to, even if it's swearing because I honestly realized that a few curse words DO help get it out!!!

I love you, Suzee

Princess, I dont think you truly know how many people you've helped by being so honest as you are about SH!! I can tell you that when I came here a year ago, I had very little knowledge of it and you taught me alot. When my neice had been self harming, came and asked you and others lots of questions and you all patiently explained so much to me that I was able to be a good support for her. She still struggles, but she has lots of long stretches of being free from SH. She will asks how you are doing Princess??? I think I keep forgetting to tell you that!!!

How are you feeling Princess? Does it help to hear me swear?? hehehe

Please know I am not making light of how you are feeling, but just trying to let you see that I understand feeling like swearing sometimes!!!

Biggest hugs, Suzee

Oh Suzee we both been having hard night tonight but for a different reason but doesnt it feel good to swear! Well at least it does for me! I am so proud of you for letting your feelings out tonight! I think that is so good otherwise its just inside of us and thats not good! I am just feel really feel touched that I helped you tonight just as much as you helped me cuz you got your feelings out tonight on my post! I am feeling much better now! We helped eachother tonight! Well I know you helped me I hope I helped you and hope it helped getting your feelings out! Just as much as it helped me! How are you feeling now?

Suzee I am right here with you too! I love you so much!

I am sending you some Big strengthening hugs!

Princess, You absolutely helped me a ton tonight!!! When you posted it was like perfect timing because I was having more and more trouble keeping it inside!! Now, I can just let it go, knowing that it's ok to yell it out and feel like it was ok to be 100% honest about the real words in my head!!!! LOL

So YES you certainly helped me alot tonight!!!!!

Thanks so much!!!! Love Suzee

Well I am glad I could help others by posting my feelings openly and honestly! I am also glad to know that I could teach you and others a lot about self harm! I have thought about your niece and how she is doing! I am proud of her for having long stretches without self harm! I can go a couple of weeks but its a struggle I know!

I am feeling better! How are you feeling?

Yes it helped hearing you swear too!

Oh Suzee I didnt think you were making light of my feelings! Thanks for understanding the feelings of needing to swear sometimes! Swearing really helps me through the urges!

I love you so much thanks for being there for me tonight and for your support and all your hugs!

Suzee I am so happy to know that I helped you too! That makes me feel even better that I helped you feel better! Yes its most definitely ok to Yell and get your feelings out and to be honest about what the real words you are thinking!

You helped me tons tonight too! You are welcome! And thank you so much!

love and hugs!